Insight
One of the things that manic depression tends to play havoc with is insight into one’s own condition. Especially when manic. It is vital during times that you think you are approaching mania that you give yourself a chance to get a bit of insight. The best way to do this is via a combination of mood charts and friends/family or even just non-manic people.
When you are manic, it is too late. Everything seems like a brilliant idea and you feel like an unstoppable force put on the world to make XXX right (where XXX is whatever thing has popped into your head). Of course it never occurs to you that still being awake planning XXX in minute detail at 2:30 in the morning and that XXX is pretty much all you can think and talk about and that when others don’t share your enthusiasm they are slow witted idiots put deliberately in your way and that really the best thing to do is cut them out your life and hang about with the people who do see how your plan for XXX is brilliant and that oddly, you can’t seem to find anyone fitting that description and that is really fucking annoying…...etc etc etc.
That’s a bad place to be because the only way you can get back to normality from that point is through an enormous crash and maybe voluntary and involuntary committal (aka sectioning). Better to stop – or try – before that point is reached.
But it all comes back to insight into onesself. If I have a diminishing capacity for self insight which forms part of a build up to mania (which for me it does) then how can I recognise the truth about what’s going on with me?
The mood diaries help. No question. You can gauge your general direction fairly well and make an appointment with your doc or CPN to try and ‘head it off at the pass’ but what is even better than that is to look objectively at the reactions of the people you are speaking to. If they start to look cautiously at you, or are always changing the subject, take note – they’re trying to tell you something but without winding you up.
Best of all are people who know about your condition who will say, early on, ‘calm down and take a look at yourself. Something’s not right’. My wife has the phone numbers of my doctors just in case my insight has disappeared completely! Obviously this is something that should only be done with people that you trust inherently but for me, its a lifesaver.
- December 6th
Thank goodness you have people in your life that will help you to recognize those moments. Can you imagine if you had no support structure?
I have a friend who describes mania just exactly this way. His biggest ‘crash’ accompanied the collapse of his small business into a pool of debt. This was about 12 months prior to him receiving a BP Dx. We live in different states, so I did not see it first hand. I’m sure it was difficult for his loved ones to witness.
I’m very fortunate to have people in my life (both on and offline) able to give good advice but unfortunately the fate of your friend is all too common and even the best of family and friends cannot see the very first mania coming – how could they? – thats where preventitive education needs to be better.
I’m attempting the mood diary from January 1. Not entirely sure if it’ll work or help, but I want to give it a go. I’ve never been officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder and just looking at the vast amount of information online scares me, especially as right now I’m on a major crash and feeling like there’s too much information for me to handle is a bad, bad thing – I’m scared of taking the next step forward.
I’m so very glad I found this page through Google. Thanks
I’m glad you found it too Hannah – let me know how you get on with the mood diary
hi….im new to this….and a little scared,am told im bi polar…..know that i am.also a father of three…boys,had a very unsettled childhood…etc.and a life with a stiff upper lipped englishman..dad.sometimes i feel like im climbing a mountain….
I love the description of the late night mania sessions… I found your blog through Google and I’m so glad I did.
Yours, at 3am in the morning, planning away!
Sar
xx
I too LOVED the description of the late nites…the comment of “slow whitted idiots” especially struck me! LOL How true that is! I have bi-polar disorder too and the doctors have finally gotten my meds right….I think…..I hope, although I was never on any of the ones you described Kev….I’ve been on quite a few, at first the idiots put me on risperdol…which soooo did not work for me…then a slew of doctors and we went through a slew of meds…..anyways..now I am down to trileptel (300 mg) 3 times a day and seroquel (300 mg) at nite of course, it’s the only thing that seems to knock me out and keep my mind from spinning all night long…however, she (dr) is decreasing the doses! I love my sleep machine too! Ok, so goodnite yall! I can go to sleep comforted by the fact that I am not alone in this!
Heather B
Hi. I was diagnosed with Bipolar mood disorder with mild ADHD. My ADHD was treated but the mood disorder was found after a few psychiatric sessions. It is very hard to deal with disorder coz you cant control your mood swings. I would be depressed over nothing and I would easy be so happy after that. It is so hard. I had medications like sertraline, lamictal and seraquel. I was done with my medications for a year but I had a relapse. All the symptoms that I used to have came back. Well I am undergoing psychiatric treatment right now to help me. My family may not understand the feeling of it but they need to support my dicorder. I hope that I can relate to other people out there who has theese symptoms!!
My partner is, I am now sure, bi-polar but I have not dared use the term with him as even when I suggested going to his doctor, due to his (aknowledged, at times) depression, he refused.
He has taken out a vast loan to the tune of hundreds of thousands, based on the value of his property, thinking he could change the world with it, gave it away, and now the bank want it back. He is not earning at all and I feel like I am watching a car crash or a slowly unfolding tragedy. Any advice/comments? I love him very much.
Amoxicillin….
Amoxicillin dosage….