There’s a small situation in my life at the moment which is making more then normally observant of my moods. I’ve gotten angry enough of late due to this situation to make me want to keep an eye on myself. You don’t, Dear Reader, need to know what the ‘small situation’ is but it serves as a good introduction to discussing the mercurial nature of mania.

As well as the anger, my sleep has been affected. I am sleeping poorly. I want to sleep well but I frequently find myself awake way past 1am. These two things in conjunction with each other are a dangerous combination for a manic depressive. They can quickly escalate and the next thing you know you’re trying to scale Nelson’s Column in the middle of the day whilst dressed in a tutu and wellies. No, I haven’t actually done that but you catch my drift.

So, for the next few weeks I am back to tracking and recording my moods and sleep. No big deal but always there is that niggling fear at the back of your thoughts and you find yourself checking your wallet for the presence of the correct phone numbers you may need. Or your wife might.

Handled in the right way this simmering fire can be harnessed and yield great results. This is the double edged sword of mania. The feeling of ‘hold on now young feller me lad’ as your mind revs up like a Indy 500 car seeing the safety car drive off the track for the last time and the knowledge that you could be very, very creative and productive right now.

Luckily for me, the medication that I take I am stable with, both in terms of its stabilising effect on my moods and that I tolerate it well. This is a non-issue for me. Stable is good. Mood swings are not therefore medication (for me) is good. Creative fire is good, no doubt about it but fire can burn and so I elect to strive for a damped down fire that offers plenty of heat but not enough heat to engulf and kill.